As a couple, Dennis and I assist one another in many areas such as punctuality, patience with children, planning, feelings of discouragement, anger and worry. We have discovered our differences have made us more effective as a couple than we ever could have been individually. One area in which I have assisted Dennis is in his public speaking. Early in our marriage, I noticed that he was making obvious grammatical errors as he spoke. I felt free to offer help because, on more than one occasion, I also told him honestly that he communicated well.
So, one evening after a speech, I asked Dennis if I could make a suggestion that might make him more effective as a speaker. He agreed to hear me out. Although my critique was a little threatening, he confessed that he had not done well in English in school, and he welcomed my suggestions.
Some months later, on the way home from another speaking opportunity, Dennis told me, "I still want you to help me with my speaking, but I'd like you to wait a little while before you tell me the cold, hard truth."
I realized then that my technique needed refinement. I had been too quick to tell him the "truth," and my "help" had become a discouragement because it wasn't seasoned with enough praise or separated long enough from the actual event. Had I not modified my recommendations, I would have crossed the fine line separating acceptance from rejection.
If your mate grants you permission to help him or her in an area of weakness, ask God for wisdom in how to help. Offer your assistance in such a way that your mate experiences your acceptance and in no way senses rejection.
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