Quibbles. Quarrels. Squabbles. Conflicts in the home are as normal as breathing. Our aim shouldn't be to avoid conflict, but to handle it wisely. One reason people have conflict in marriage is that opposites attract. It's strange, but that is probably part of the reason why you married who you did. Your mate added variety, spice and difference to your life. But after being married for a while (sometimes a short while), the attractions become repellents.
A typical pairing is the peacemaker and the prizefighter. The peacemaker would rather hide than fight. The peacemaker says, "It's okay, let's forget it. It isn't worth the hassle." The prizefighter, meanwhile, says, "Let's put on the gloves and duke it out."
One husband came from a long line of prizefighters and grew up watching his whole family rolling up its sleeves and having spirited discussions. The beauty of it was that they could discuss issues, argue vehemently, and then hang up their gloves, hug and make up afterwards.
But his wife came from a long line of peacemakers who swept everything under the rug. They avoided confrontations like the plague. So what kind of a marriage did these two have? He was chasing her around trying to get her to put on the gloves, and she was searching for a place to hide.
Unfortunately, their daughter landed between them, trying desperately to bring her parents together. It took years of counseling to help her come to terms with the internal conflict she felt.
There's a lot at stake in the way you and your mate handle your conflicts. It's not just the intimacy in your marriage that's on the line, but the lives of impressionable sons and daughters as well. The African proverb is chillingly true: "When the elephants fight, it's the grass that suffers."
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