During World War II the American forces in France had a phantom military outfit-a group called the Twenty-third Headquarters Special Troops. With careful staging and show-business theatrics, they impersonated real troops and created an illusion of military strength to strategically fool the Germans. For example, to mask the true location of their real troops, they created fake tanks and other equipment that looked real from the air. Many husbands and wives have such phantoms lurking in their minds-an unreal mental image that they think they need to battle. No one else can see these phantoms except the individuals who conjure them up, but they seem real nevertheless.
Phantoms are an unattainable standard by which we measure our performances, abilities, looks and characters. While there's nothing wrong with having a goal to aim for, a phantom by definition is an illusion, an apparition or a resemblance of reality.
Within your mind you have a picture of how you should act as a husband or wife, father or mother. And chances are this image is so perfect, so idyllic, that it is completely unattainable. Yet, every day you judge your performance by this phantom! And since you cannot match those standards, your self-esteem suffers.
The more distant your phantoms are from reality, the more frustrating it is to live in their shadows-and the more confusing it can be for the spouse who can't see the apparition and is left wondering why his or her mate seems always dissatisfied and unhappy. Phantoms can derail marriages.
In the next two devotions, I'll share the phantoms Barbara and I have in our minds.
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