My wife and I spent the first year and a half of our marriage in Boulder, Colorado, where the winters are cold and electric blankets are standard survival equipment. We fell into a habit of snuggling under those blankets but forgetting to turn out all the lights. And every time, Barbara would say, "Sweetheart, did you remember to turn out all the lights?" Usually I would hop out of our comfy bed and run barefoot through the 55-degree apartment, turning off light after light (that Barbara had turned on). But one time I got fed up and groaned, "Honey, why don't you turn out the lights tonight?"
Barbara replied, "I thought you would because my dad always turned out the lights."
Suddenly I was wide awake. It dawned on me why I had been suffering occasional minor frostbite for the past few months. And I shot back, "But I'm not your dad!"
We stayed up for a long time, discussing expectations-what Barbara expected of me and what I expected of her-with many of those expectations stemming from what we had imported into our marriage from our homes.
When we were married, for dinner I expected meat and mounds of mashed potatoes with butter cascading down the sides. Alas, it was not to be. Barbara leans toward exotic tuna casseroles and lots of other things I could not begin to identify.
Each partner brings a certain set of expectations into a marriage. When they are not met, the drought of disillusionment can dry up the dialogue in the streams of our conversation.
Marriage provides a relationship where two people can hammer out realistic expectations. No mate will ever fulfill all of your desires in marriage. There is only One who is capable of that.
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