No family is without conflicts, and when we let conflicts simmer without confrontation, they have a habit of boiling over and affecting our spiritual lives. William Wordsworth said: "He who has a good friend needs no mirror." Family members can learn to be each other's best friend by learning the gentle art of confrontation. Blessed is the marriage where both spouses feel the other is a good friend-one who will listen, reflect back, understand and work through whatever needs to be dealt with. Occasionally all this requires loving confrontation.
Of course, we must face the fact that some of us don't want to be confronted. Some people would rather be comfortable than Christlike. Many of Barbara's best statements to me are the ones that hurt a bit, but I need to hear them because they keep me on the right track.
Learning loving confrontation starts with love. As 1 Corinthians 13 points out, love expects the best of others. There's no way to confront someone else productively if you expect the worst or have a chip on your shoulder.
Loving confrontation is not nagging. It states its position without dragging it out for days. Being nagged at is no fun. Someone has said it's like being nibbled to death by a duck.
Christian confrontation doesn't accuse; it focuses on "I" language, with my saying plainly how I feel. It avoids "You" language, which inevitably sounds condemning. There's a world of difference between saying, "I really don't like arriving at church late-can I do something to help?" and "You always make us late!"
Also, keep in mind that the people you love, but need to confront, are not your enemies. Your mate is never your enemy. Christian confrontation requires that you speak the truth-but always in love.
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