This famous confrontation between Paul and Peter occurred without rupturing their relationship. Paul was able to focus on the issue at hand. He didn't use it as an opportunity to bring up other problems he may have had with Peter, and he didn't try to assassinate Peter's character. Here are some ways to keep your focus clear in confrontations:
Stick to one issue. Don't save up a series of complaints and let your mate have them all at once. A good warning sign is finding yourself saying, "And another thing...."
Focus on behavior rather than character. Confrontation must not turn into character assassination. Let's say you need to talk about sticking to a budget. Discuss available finances and necessary expenses, instead of calling your mate a spendthrift. Avoid attacking the person, and remember to use "I" language. Say "I think we can keep from going in the hole each month by...," not "You always drain us dry before the end of the month!"
Focus on the facts rather than judging motives. Your teenager forgot to tell you what time the school function would be over. Say, "I worry about you when you aren't here when I expect you," not "You just don't care about anyone but yourself!"
Above all, keep your focus on understanding each other, rather than who is winning or losing. Listen carefully to what the other person says. See if some other issue is really at stake in the disagreement.
A healthy relationship with God is open to His gentle confrontation-not one that sweeps difficulties under the rug. Healthy families face conflicts openly. It is best when the focus of confrontation is clear with the overall goal of creating a family climate in which everyone is a winner. As with the difficulty between Paul and Peter, clearer focus can lead to family unity, not isolation.
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