The book of Nehemiah may seem like an unlikely source for advice to families, but it contains five important guidelines for confrontation. Jerusalem had been destroyed, and most of God's people were in Babylonian captivity. Nehemiah wanted to take a group back to Jerusalem to rebuild the city, but he would have to confront King Artaxerxes to gain permission. Couples facing problems can learn from Nehemiah's model.
First, he took time to pray (see Neh. 1:4-10; 2:4). Most problems can be solved when you get together, take the issue before the Lord and let Him simmer you down a bit before you actually begin to talk.
Second, Nehemiah expressed loyalty, encouragement and support before raising the issue at hand. He opened his conversation with the king by saying, "Let the king live forever!" (2:3). To apply this concept to confrontation, affirm each other and create a climate of trust so your mate can hear what you need to say.
Third, Nehemiah was truthful. He came right out with the problem, telling the king the walls of Jerusalem were in rubble and the few Israelites who had survived were in great danger. Be truthful with your spouse about the real problem. Glossing over sin is deceitful.
Fourth, Nehemiah had an attitude of submission. He let the king know that he was not only interested in the fate of Jerusalem, but in the king's interests as well. Confrontation should benefit both spouses, not just one.
Finally, Nehemiah was specific in his request. He asked the king for letters to take him safely on his journey and for materials for rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem (see vv. 7,8). Do you know what you need from your spouse to resolve your problem? Be specific.
Homes can be built (or rebuilt) through healthy confrontation.
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